No less than the stars!

Bad dream

So last night, I had a dream that my friend C came over to Knoxville to visit me (he lives in Arkansas).  We had sex.  Then I found out later in the dream that he immediately had sex with 20 other Knoxvillian women afterward.  Then I woke up.

And it was one of those dreams that is SO REALISTIC that you have no idea you're dreaming until you wake up and realize you're alone in your own bed.

How awful.

Words of wisdom

Sometimes a jerk is just a jerk.  Sometimes the guy you describe to others by saying, "He's a jerk on the surface, but beneath it all, he's a genuine, kind human being," that guy?  Yeah, sometimes he's just a jerk.  There is no secret code to making him a better man.  He's just playing his game, he's a really good actor, and you're really that stupid.

You teach people how to treat you.  That is the best advice my mother ever gave me (and she gives REALLY good advice).  More often than not, when your friends or that guy takes advantage of you, it's because you allowed it to happen.  You were too soft to stand up for yourself.  Does that mean you suck at life?  No.  It just means that you are a human being who is capable of caring for others.  And when the world doesn't love you back, you get hurt.  So, learn how to love your neighbor without handing him a block of Kryptonite to kill you with.

kthxbai.

When nothing is left, everything is gained

I am considering going back to individual therapy.  It isn't that I think I'm losing control again, it is simply that I enjoyed having a truly unbiased person to give me input about my life.  The therapist I had showed me so many new ways to think and live, and it was so incredible.  I'd love to have that support again, especially since my semester seems to be unraveling already.

Ugh.  I want nothing more than to unload my life in regards to guys and how they drop a bomb on you and expect you to just go on with life like they never said anything.  I'd love to tell you how I don't have time in my life for such bombery, but this is a blog that publishes out into the Void.  So, I will leave it on this rather vague note.

In childish news, I bought two new toys!  One is a stuffed animal, a moose, to add to my growing animal collection for my future elementary music classroom.  I also ordered a little M.O. figurine (the cleaning robot from Wall-E!), and it is soooo adorable!  Sadly, it is a birthday present for my friend C (mentioned in the previous entry), so I will not have M.O. much longer.  LOL  Ah well, C deserves this birthday present.

Well, back to my homework!

If you want to be free, be free

Ugh.  I broke up with N yesterday.  To make a long, pointless, waste-of-my-life story short, he didn't pay enough attention to me, have enough time for me, etc.  And I felt unimportant and under-appreciated in his life.  So I got out of it.  Only took me a month of wasted misery and time to do so.  So needless to say, I'm mostly relieved but also slightly saddened at having to give up on a person so soon after meeting him.  It breaks my heart to give up on anyone because I believe everyone deserves the best of what humanity has to offer.  *sigh*  Whatever.  My friend C has really been supporting me and distracting me from this whole situation.  He's so great!  :)

In other news, life at school is delightfully busy.  I love nothing more than to be in the academic zone and succeed at the things I'm best at.  Overall, my life is looking rather sunny these days.  :)